Unforgivable Hurt: What Now?
Betrayal can come in many forms. You may have been betrayed by your friend or perhaps your spouse had an affair. Or you may have suffered domestic violence, or other unforgivable injury. You may even have experienced your children being turned against you by a vindictive partner.
There’s no way around it: betrayal hurts. We do our best to understand the logistics of how we were betrayed, and why. But in the end, we may be left spinning because betrayal is a hard thing to wrap our heads around. We wonder why the people we put our trust in hurt us…and can inevitably get stuck in our thoughts.
Although it may be the last thing we want to do, forgiveness can be a way to emancipate hurt. Acceptance of what has happened personally to us can put betrayal into a bigger perspective and let a person concentrate on the future and not the past. In short, forgiveness can ultimately lead to healing and moving past the hurt.
To Forgive or Not to Forgive: This is Your Choice
Forgiveness can soothe a deep wound that lingers beyond the original hurt. It’s what allows closure and let’s someone move on. But sometimes the wound is too fresh too deep, too unforgivable.
Forgiveness is a persona decision and certainly not something you HAVE to do. As therapists, our overall goal is to help you understand your betrayal and metabolize it without falling victim to victimhood. You should never feel like you have to forgive because it’s what is expected of you.
When forgiveness is something that is just not going to happen, this doesn’t mean you are stuck feeling guilty, or hurt, or betrayed. You can still move on with life by simply accepting your circumstances.
Acceptance
This is the middle ground between unforgivable hurt and forgiveness. When you accept your circumstances and come to terms with what you have experienced, you gain the ability to move past the hurt.
You can still rage. You are not letting go or forgiving. You are instead learning how to adjust and live with the hurt, instead of letting it rule over you. This offers you some ownership of what you have experienced, and for you that may be enough to look to the future.
If you are struggling with betrayal and the feelings associated, therapy offers space for free expression of anger and guilt. The choice to forgive or not forgive are options…and ones that are yours to make.
For further information get in touch on our contact page.